8.18.18 - Sweet
Sooo...last year I started watching the Black Love doc on the OWN network. I just wanna put it out there that I really love Oprah because having her channel is literally making my cable bill higher these days. If it were not for her channel being in a specific tier, my bill could be lower. But I can't live without OWN. In any event, I was watching Viola Davis & her husband talking about their marriage. And something Viola said stuck out to me. She said that marriage made her life better. I remember wanting to write about this back then because it was so refreshing to hear her say that.
I feel like the chorus of people who sing sad love songs can be so much louder than that of happy love at times. I remember going through my phone a couple years ago & deleting so many sad, toxic love songs. Some songs are classics to me tho, so I kept those. The point was just that I was sick of hearing about broken love. I feel like marriage is this big thing that is imposed upon us. Everyone does it for their own reasons. Tho I have always wanted to marry for love, I didn't always have the brightest outlook.
I took on baggage from different things that I saw growing up. I didn't even really see the beauty of love until I was in my mid 20s. I still was attracted to guys, but I kind of hated myself for it. I was also always a bit shy. Idk. I'm still weird about men. At this point in my life I feel like I'm gonna be like that scene in Wonder Woman when she was like: "you're a man?" It's been so long since I even hung out with a guy. It's not that easy, guys. It's just not that easy. But anyway, this isn't the direction I was trying to go in. I took some baggage & then you have the chorus that I was talking about earlier. I feel like because so many people feel jaded, there is this negative connotation around truly wanting a relationship, or a marriage. I'm pretty complete. I love my own company. My self esteem is still pretty healthy. I'm not seeking a man for money. There's no chip that is off in me (I mean, we all have our own issues, but I'm not trying to fill a void). I just want someone to squeeze. I just want someone to share my life & myself with. And I KNOOOWWW that marriage is work. I get all of the lessons, speeches, books, & memes. I get it, you can't look for anything to make your life better if you haven't done the work. It's just that I felt like this dumb girl who still believed in love. Hearing Viola say that made me happy & has stuck with me. For me, I don't see the point in being with someone I don't love. I'd rather just be alone forever. And love makes you happy, right? Idk. Anyway, I was listening to Ariana's song "sweetener" when all of these thoughts came back. Isn't your person supposed to sweeten your life? Shooot...I hope that I sweeten whoever's life I enter. Idk. Just some past & present thoughts.
Love,
Autumn 💕✨✨
I feel like the chorus of people who sing sad love songs can be so much louder than that of happy love at times. I remember going through my phone a couple years ago & deleting so many sad, toxic love songs. Some songs are classics to me tho, so I kept those. The point was just that I was sick of hearing about broken love. I feel like marriage is this big thing that is imposed upon us. Everyone does it for their own reasons. Tho I have always wanted to marry for love, I didn't always have the brightest outlook.
I took on baggage from different things that I saw growing up. I didn't even really see the beauty of love until I was in my mid 20s. I still was attracted to guys, but I kind of hated myself for it. I was also always a bit shy. Idk. I'm still weird about men. At this point in my life I feel like I'm gonna be like that scene in Wonder Woman when she was like: "you're a man?" It's been so long since I even hung out with a guy. It's not that easy, guys. It's just not that easy. But anyway, this isn't the direction I was trying to go in. I took some baggage & then you have the chorus that I was talking about earlier. I feel like because so many people feel jaded, there is this negative connotation around truly wanting a relationship, or a marriage. I'm pretty complete. I love my own company. My self esteem is still pretty healthy. I'm not seeking a man for money. There's no chip that is off in me (I mean, we all have our own issues, but I'm not trying to fill a void). I just want someone to squeeze. I just want someone to share my life & myself with. And I KNOOOWWW that marriage is work. I get all of the lessons, speeches, books, & memes. I get it, you can't look for anything to make your life better if you haven't done the work. It's just that I felt like this dumb girl who still believed in love. Hearing Viola say that made me happy & has stuck with me. For me, I don't see the point in being with someone I don't love. I'd rather just be alone forever. And love makes you happy, right? Idk. Anyway, I was listening to Ariana's song "sweetener" when all of these thoughts came back. Isn't your person supposed to sweeten your life? Shooot...I hope that I sweeten whoever's life I enter. Idk. Just some past & present thoughts.
Love,
Autumn 💕✨✨
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