Unleashed

When I read my bible, I see plenty of stories of people who went through extenuating circumstances. Life was not the pleasure cruise that we try to make it out to be now. Having moments & going through times of hardship is a NATURAL part of life. Honestly, one of the reasons that I am growing really sick of social media is because I feel that it's become nothing more than everyone trying to show a glow up. Don't get me wrong, I'm truly happy for the success of others. I guess I also used to live in a time that felt more real. A time where I would sit in church with those that had & those that didn't. A time where there were praise reports, but there were also prayer requests. Life can feel like a journey of euphoria & tragedy all the same. And yet, we just want to show the good parts. We stand on the pillars of our successes, but do we even know how to really stand on stability?
It's no secret that I battle depression. I have my highs & I have my lows. Sometimes, I feel like a freak on a leash for being honest about not even wanting to be on this earth anymore. Because why would I ever want to leave the "pleasure cruise" that is life? I guess all I'm saying is that it's okay to have the feelings that I have. It doesn't make me a freak. It just makes me real. I also love life (when it genuinely doesn't suck & sometimes even when it does). It's called the true balance of a human soul. Maybe the problem isn't what I'm feeling, or even my being vocal about it. Maybe the problem is the silence of so many others. I love the glitz, I love the glamour. I'm also just very real about the fact life can be hard. Anyway, I'm looking into going to therapy for the fact that I have a real issue with being anything but strong. I constantly feel guilty for having emotions. And life just feels weird to me right now. I do wanna say that I resent how people make you feel when you go through tougher times. I just find that many of these very people have their own massive issues that they don't even see. I'm hoping to find a Christian therapist because I did go to someone when I was in college & I don't think she understood my views. I need someone who understands at least that. So, we shall see. I just need to see how a few things go, but that's my plan for right now. The only other thing about therapy is that sometimes you feel like you need them more than whatever your session time is. And then you can only talk for an hour. But I do want to go just to have someone reassuring me that I'm not a freak on a leash for having emotions. Idk. Just some thoughts. I think I'll end here.

Love,
Autumn 💕✨✨