Sometimes, living in this crazy life, we can lose sight (or forget) who we are. As I have stated before, at times, the dark overshadows the light. We are all subject to be our own worst enemies. The internal dialogue that we give ourselves can be brutal at times. And, really, what is it based on? Past circumstances (process, heal, let go, and fight for something better)? Opinions of others (are they living your life)? Societal expectations (is what they want for you what you want for you)? Haters (haters gonna hate... it is what it is)? Your own expectations (work hard, be gentle, and give yourself some time)? Failures (EVERYONE fails at something... grow from it)? Life is ever changing and ever so loud. Our hearts and minds can hold a cluster of emotions. Where do you find yourself in the shuffle?
I have always been a confident girl with a bit of a complex. An oxymoron, I know. Honestly, most of us are walking contradictions to some degree... so there you have it. I've felt misunderstood for so long that even though I continue to grow into being comfy in my skin, I still have a complex about being misunderstood. I also have a perfection problem. I'm growing out of it, but it can still be a struggle. For me, presentation is SO MUCH. We live in this era where people can just "let it all hang out" in different aspects. I'm just not that person. No one can be on all the time (although I would if I could be), but there is a time and a place for everything. I've spent my whole life trying to cultivate (since I was old enough to have a grasp on what that meant as a kid) this women of excellence. I have never really left much room for error. I judge myself pretty harshly, and I've just recently learned to stop. Being an EMOTIONAL female can feel like a debilitating illness. Being passionate and feisty can feel like too much at times. In my head, I'm so dope... and yet so flawed. I believe in being organic... I just am not always about my natural self. Nevertheless, I continue to chisel away at this woman that I strive to become.
So... when in the middle of all this internal red tape, someone can see the true essence of me, it touches me. I have learned that sometimes you can feel like a total and complete mess, but the light of God will still shine through you. I'm not really a girl who seeks validation, but people being able to see the work that is in progress is encouraging. This especially means something coming from people who have seen your "crazy". Sometimes, we get so caught up in fixing our flaws that we can't appreciate the beauty of our growth. Today, I say: cut yourself some slack. If you're working on being a better person, know that work has to lead to a payoff of some sort. Nothing is in vain... even if it feels like it. You're becoming who you need to be... even if you can't always see it! :)