Psalm 46:10

Sooo, lately I feel like I've been freaking out a lot about my life. 👀👀👀 I can be a natural spaz, but this is too much. While, I have a "crazy" side, I also have a side that tries to be grounded. I don't feel that I've been too grounded lately. And, I mean, I'm not gonna beat myself up because I feel like a lot of changes have been happening behind the scenes of my life. Back in the day before there was a such thing as social media, I used to shut my phone off & just go off the grid for weeks until I gather myself when the world felt like it was too much. Sometimes, I feel like I do better shutting everyone out. Nevertheless, that is probably not the healthiest thing to do & it's not very realistic for where my life is now. Back then, I was in school & I could kind of get away with it. I may have even done it for a while after I graduated, but the point is it doesn't work now. Plus, people expressed to me that they hated when I did that.

I guess nowadays I expect a certain level of consistency from myself. Consistent sanity would be nice. 😂😂😂 I want to be put together at all times...even tho I know that's impossible. The war inside of myself is that these alarm bells go off in me that I want/need this or that. But then there is the side of me that just believes in the NATURAL progression of things.

I just really (like really) need to get my mind together & centered. Nothing wrong with having desires. Nothing wrong with having dreams. But the freaking out has to go. I can't with myself. I gotta do better. I wanna do better. And, most of all, I want things to go how God wants...no matter how much I "kick & scream".

Love,
Autumn 🍁💕✨