Magnitude

Yesterday, I was driving home from the gym. I was quite pleased with myself for working out on the holiday. I've exercised on holidays before, but it honestly is really hard for me to get in holiday workouts  these days. Since I was actually home this Memorial Day weekend, I figured that I should hit up the gym. Plus, my body wouldn't leave me alone about it. I kind of tried to tell her (my body) that we were on vacation. "Let's savor this off day", I tried to rationalize. But no... my higher self was not having it. So, off I went to jog on the treadmill. My little accomplishment made me happy, and that made me feel like the day was beautiful. I started to tweet something about the day being beautiful, but then I thought that maybe it was still too early to judge. I continued to think about how it really only takes one moment to make the day beautiful. Because, if you think about it, one bad moment can destroy a whole day. So, why don't the beautiful moments have the same magnitude?
You hear it all the time. Someone will say the day is going good, and then someone will say: "well it's still early yet". On the other hand, something bad happens... and you hear: "the day is ruined". I'm not saying that I never hear people say things like: "don't let that ruin your day". I just feel like we can be more prone the let the darkness overshadow the light. I tried to think about why this is. While I know that I used to be very depressed, I feel that this is not just an Autumn problem. I honestly feel like so many people are in a negative state. I'm not discounting the happy people at all. I'm just saying that I see more people living in different forms of negative mindsets. Like, personally, I HATE when people say: "same "stuff", different day". That's such a wrong way to think. Why are you dragging yesterday into today? And people say this everyday!!! Like, when do you metaphorically burn the trash??? Rehearsal of the negative is no good. Trust me. I speak from experience. Anyway, as I continued to drive, I really thought on why the scales are not balanced with light verses dark. I know when it was me, I felt like the bad outweighed the good. That is a phrase I uttered to God many times. I was grateful for the good... but it just felt like there was more bad. I think part of it could be healing. Sometimes, it really takes time to heal from different things. If we keep dragging yesterday into today with no plan of action, healing will be really difficult. Some people haven't , or don't know how to deal with certain issues. Some don't have the strength for it. Healing does not just have to be from this major catastrophic event. It could be from simple things as well.
I also just think that we are not conditioned to be happy and grateful for what we have. I feel like we are conditioned from birth to feel like we should always be living (or seeking) this top notch sort of life. Of course, this is not everyone's reality, but that is where you get into the whole social class divide. The haves are supposedly above the have nots. The have nots can almost be willing to sell their souls to Satan to get to the top. With all of this shuffle, who has time to be grateful for something like eyesight or clean water? It's almost like things like food, clothes, and shelter are lost upon us unless it comes at a middle or higher level. No one wants to live low... but sometimes struggle is just a part of your path. No one wants to live in uncertainty. However, I feel that God has always provided provision of some sort in my life. And, sometimes, we don't always get to dictate how that provision will go. How many times have you gotten extra funds... only to have to spend them on some sort of responsibility? Instead of saying: "Dang, every time I get some money... it goes"... thank God that you have the money when you need it. We are so anxious to stack. I say stack as opposed to build because that is what it feels like we sometimes do. We just check stuff off the societal checklist and stack it. Then we are on to the next thing. The question is: Are you even enjoying what you are attaining? Or are you just keeping up with the Jones's? Possession that is not based on your path and purpose on this earth may not lead to the happiness or fulfillment you may think. Then what do you do? It's taken me awhile to really realize that things like air, sunny days, and nature are true treasures. It's taken me awhile to loosen my grip on the future. I don't have all of this down to a perfect science, but I'd like to think that I'm a lot further than I used to be. There is a scripture in the Bible that says not to be anxious about tomorrow. It goes on to say that tomorrow has it's own worries (Matthew 6:34). I'm learning to just live in the day. I can't tell everyone how to live their lives. I'm only one person, living life from my perspective. I just wish we could all live in the beauty of our daily moments, allowing them to find the balance in overshadowing the dark... and shape brighter days.

Love,
Autumn